Giving Thanks

Yup. It's that time again. The Holidays are upon us. The lead up has been difficult. Since Corey's death, even on the happiest of days, the thoughts always come around to our lost little one. Then, like the Buck Owen's song says, "it's crying time again."

Now they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder,
And that tears are only rain to make love grow,
Well, my love for you could never grow no stronger,
If I live to be a hundred years old.

It's probably hard to imagine being thankful for anything this year. How do you thank God when there's been so much pain? I'm still trying to figure out the "faith" answer to that. No, he didn't take Corey from us, but he didn't do anything to keep her with us, either. I try to take consolation in the thought that she could have been lost to us at many points along the way. He didn't have to give us twins; He didn't have to let both come full term; He didn't have to let her live and thrive for nearly 4 months. Still, we'll always wish we'd had more time.

And yet, there is a lot to be thankful for this year. The time we did have with Corey. Her very happy life. She never experienced all the pain that the world has to offer. Her world was small, but totally filled with love. We should all be so lucky. We're thankful for Kate. She's got us through it all. She constantly amazes us. She wakes up everyday, happy and smiling. It's a reminder to us to be thankful for the new day, thankful that we're together. We are thankful for our loving, strong marriage. We hold each other together. We're thankful for our friends and family, who have supported us through along the way. We're thankful for our church, and the people there who have helped us keep Corey's memory alive and her spirit with us through Kate's baptism and beyond. Thankful that we have the promise that Corey is safe, and we'll see her again. We're thankful for our nice house, good jobs, great pets. Nearly everything we possibly could want. There's nothing we need--truly need--that we lack in life.

Like I often say, "All things aside, how did you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln?" We really lead a charmed and blessed life, but it has been touched with a great tragedy this year. But, we have to pray for those others who've lost. We could live in Darfur, and this year we could have watched our kids get raped and murdered before our eyes. We could be in Iraq and have had our kids blown up when they went to get free candy from US troops. We could have been in New Orleans, have lost our home and all our possessions to Katrina, then lost our child, our new hope for the future. Damn, there are a lot of people who have it a lot worse than us.

The sadness sometimes feels like self pity. But still, hurt is hurt. We're going to miss Corey terribly during the holidays. We'll force-feed Kate some turkey and sweet potatoes (baby food); but we'll wonder how Corey would have reacted to them. We'll smile as we dress Kate up in her cute Christmas dresses, but cry when we think of how Corey might have looked. We'll hang the "baby's first Christmas" ornament, but feel sadness at how there's only one. The best of times, the worst of times.

So, be with us during these holidays. Help us be happy for what we have. Share our sadness at what we've lost. Visit, call, or send a card. We'll appreciate it.

With love, from us to you.

Sean & Tessa + 2 -1